mister ebby » poem

Children’s Stories For Adults, Part 5: A Story For Amanda: Greta The Grinder

mister ebby — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 18:46:52 +0000

Amanda’ coffee grinder is often a cause for concern. So, recently I was in her café one one of those afternoons when the grinder stopped working, and she had to get another. It inspired this addition to my silly children’s stories for adults, which as you are aware, is ~amazing art~

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Greta the grinder moaned and groaned
For she was far too fond of complaining.
Some days she just stopped,
As some form of silent protesting.

Eventually, however, her protests grew too many
And the people began to grumble,
in need of some fresh coffee,
As their stomachs began to rumble.

So it happened that Greta the grinder
found herself sitting unused
As Garbo the Grinder sat right beside her
Munching and purring all afternoon.

And Greta no longer mumbled and grumbled,
But sat silently on the counter,
And watched the people be re-caffeinated,
Until the garbage man took her.

The end.
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Part 5 of an irregular series.

Part 1: A Story For Pa

Part 2: A Story For No-One: Frank The Caterpillar

Part 3: A Story For Declan: Wilma The Worm

Part 4: A Story For Lorcan: Lorcan the Chameleon.

Children’s Stories For Adults, Part 4: a story for Lorcan: Lorcan the Chameleon.

mister ebby — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 21:04:51 +0000

Lorcan was bored in a lecture and asked for entertainment, so I texted him this quick little story that I wrote on the spot. Obviously it is ~amazing art~
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There once was a chameleon called Lorcan,
Who could change his skin to blend in,
But soon Lorcan realised,
That it’s far more fun to stand out in a crowd.

So Lorcan the chameleon began to change his skin,
No longer to try and merely fit in,
But to stand out in a crowd,
Feeling quite proud
With colours as eye-catching as could be.

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Part 4 of an irregular series.

Part 1: A Story For Pa

Part 2: A Story For No-One: Frank The Caterpillar

Part 3: A Story For Declan: Wilma The Worm

Children’s Stories For Adults, Part 3: a story for declan – Wilma the Worm

mister ebby — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:36:22 +0000

This little terrible poem was inspired by boredom in Javas, and the fact that I twist sugar sachets and put them inside each other, because I’m a neat-freak sometimes.

But when I added the chocolate wrapper, it looked like a worm with a fabulous blue rinse, or perhaps a purple mohawk.

I named her Wilma, and gave her eyes. Declan thought her eyebrows were really quite fetching. So I wrote this beautiful piece of art for him.

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Wilma The Worm

Wilma the Worm

Wilma the worm and her questioning eyebrows,
Went into town to buy herself some glasses,
But a problem arose while trying on frames,
As she has no ears.

So Wilma the worm and her questioning eyebrows
Had to make do with perusing hot asses,
Without the aid of a new pair of glasses,
Because she has no ears.
__________________________

part 3 of an irregular series.

Part 1: A Story For Pa

Part 2: A Story For No-One: Frank The Caterpillar

Children’s Stories For Adults, Part 2: a story for no-one: Frank the Caterpillar.

mister ebby — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:41:56 +0000

Another in the series of random silly stories about animals.

I know I owe Meadhbh a story, after she asked specifically when commenting on the last one, but that’ll have to wait. This also means that Amanda is wrong – not all my stories are about giraffes! Awesome! I’m a DIVERSE author.

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There once was a caterpillar called Frank who hated the world.
But that was ok, because the world not-so-secretly hated him too.

One day, Frank was walking along, very slowly as caterpillars are wont to do, when it suddenly started to rain.
It rained, and it rained, and it rained some more.

“Fuck this”, thought Frank, as he got very, very wet, “I’m going to hide away from the world. Fuck yis all.”

The world wondered if perhaps it was being too mean to Frank, but then remembered that caterpillars grow up into being beautiful butterflies that are like the popular kids at school, and thought that balanced it out.

So Frank made a cocoon, and hid away from the world.

Time passed.

A little more time passed.

Then, the cocoon opened, and out came Frank version 2.0.
Was he now a beautiful butterfly?
No, unfortunately he was a shit ugly moth and flew straight for the first lightsource he could find.
Which was a UV light insect killer, and Frank got fried.

The End.
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Plz don’t sue me if you cry loads at the sad, sad ending.

Part 2 of an irregular series

Part 1: A Story For Pa

Children’s Stories For Adults, Part 1: a story for pa

mister ebby — Thu, 14 May 2009 05:49:51 +0000

So, Pa asked me to sing him a song or write a story tonight, so I wrote him this in about 5 seconds in reply to his message. Apparently, Amanda is correct, and all my stories have giraffes in them.

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Once upon a time there was a giraffe,
who wanted to be a drag queen really badly.
So he went and found some fake boobs,
and learned how to stand upright.
Then got Pa to make him a dress

But there was a problem!
Giraffes have really fucking long necks
and they don’t fit inside any gay bar.
So the giraffe had to be content
with performing in Dublin Zoo.

The End.

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